How to Deal with a Reactive Dog (Without Losing Your Mind)

You love your dog — but right now, you’re exhausted…every walk feels like a battle where they either bark at people, lunge at dogs, pull you around on the lead, or freeze in place.

You’re trying your best, but nothing seems to help. You feel guilty, embarrassed, overwhelmed…and deep down, you’re starting to wonder if you’re doing something wrong.

I used to be in the same position with my dog, Jasper. Do you want to know what I discovered?

You’re not failing...
You’re not doing it wrong...
And your dog? They’re not broken...
They’re struggling — and they need support, not pressure.

This post isn’t about perfection or guaranteed quick fixes, It’s about understanding what’s happening beneath the surface of your dog’s behaviour, so you can finally shift from chaos to calm — together, as a team!

Reactivity in dogs is simply an emotional response. It’s your dog saying, “I can’t cope with this situation,” in the only way they know how. A lot of people think that it's dominant, aggressive or just naughty behaviour but it is so much deeper and yet simpler than that.

For some dogs, reactivity means barking, lunging, growling, snapping, and, for others, it looks like freezing, shutting down, redirection, refusing to move etc.

Reactivity can come from fear, frustration, stress, excitement, or all of the above — and it can show up even in the most loving dogs. I work with so many people that start off with”he's such a lovely dog…”

Most reactive behaviours happen when a dog is pushed past their limit (threshold) to the point where they can no longer think, make the right decisions, or stay calm and regulated. Once they’re over that edge, the thinking brain shuts down and the survival brain takes over.

The thing is, when that survival brain gets triggered over and over again, it doesn’t just stay an emotional response — it becomes a habit. Your dog sees another dog or person and instantly reacts. Not because they’re thinking about it, but because their body has learned to respond that way.

“I see a dog = I bark and lunge.”

That’s why the first step isn’t more obedience drills or putting them into more situations than they can't handle. We have to reset our dogs and start working with them, not against them.

Reactivity is when a dog responds to certain situations with an intense and over-the-top reaction—often barking, lunging, or even snapping. It can seem sudden and an overreaction, but it’s usually driven by their internal emotional state...

When learning how to deal with a reactive dog, one of the first things is to figure out the cause. Reactivity doesn’t just appear out of nowhere — it's a symptom of something, usually a response to something on a deeper level—something your dog is struggling to cope with. While there are countless reasons a dog might become reactive, here are some of the most common causes I’ve seen time and time again.

Before we dive into behaviour and training adjustments, there’s one thing I need you to make sure you do — and that’s speak to your vet (ok hear me out)...

Sometimes, reactivity isn’t about training. Sometimes, it’s about pain, discomfort, hormonal shifts, neurological changes etc.

I’ve been there…when Jasper started reacting differently and showing strange behaviour changes, I assumed he was just regressing. I thought maybe our training had slipped up somewhere or something had triggered a setback. The old me would have just launched into a whole new plan, but I booked a vet appointment — and after a few visits, we realised he was showing early signs of dementia.

If I’d pushed him harder or added pressure during that time, it would’ve definitely made things a lot worse than they were.

What he needed wasn’t more structure — it was understanding.

A lot of people overlook the chances that it can be pain but our dogs are very good at masking this. So, please, book that check-up, ask about pain. Ask about movement, stiffness, digestion, paws, eyes, ears, skin — anything that might cause discomfort.
Even rarer issues like hyperthyroidism or neurological conditions can shift behaviour and emotional regulation. A simple blood test might reveal something that explains everything.

The starting point and kindest thing we can do for our dogs is make sure we’re not overlooking something that’s causing them to suffer in silence. Only after that can we start moving forward!

Most people think that the best way to socialize a reactive dog is by exposing them to the world. Take them on walks. Let them meet other dogs. Go to busy parks. They’ll “get used to it,” right?

Wrong.

In the long run, this will more likely do more harm than good, especially for sensitive, anxious, or reactive dogs — this kind of exposure isn’t helping…it’s flooding, and this is exactly how you overwhelm the nervous system and push a dog past their threshold.

And here’s the kicker:
More walks and more exposure aren't the answer either.

If your dog is constantly reacting on walks and that’s their only outlet, all you’re doing is flooding their system with even more overwhelm — without any regulation or relief.

There’s no decompression, no reset...just a never-ending loop of stress.

The more you push forward, the harder it gets. Your dog starts reacting faster, recovering slower, and struggling even in situations they used to handle well.

Neutrality doesn’t mean your dog will always have to avoid engaging with the world forever. Once your dog has built the confidence to remain neutral and calm in various settings, you can gradually introduce them to more dynamic situations.

With a solid foundation in place, you can begin to offer them the freedom to explore these environments in a more active way—whether that’s at the dog park, interacting with other dogs, or walking through busy public areas.

This stage comes later in the training, once your dog is equipped with the tools to handle these challenges without reacting. The key is that freedom comes after neutrality. With time and consistent training, your dog will learn that they can enjoy these environments without the anxiety or fear that used to trigger their reactivity.

Before anything else, your dog needs space to regulate. Not more walks. Not more exposure. Not more pressure. They need a reset.

When a dog’s nervous system is constantly under stress, there’s no room for learning — only survival, just like humans. That’s why reactivity often gets worse over time, not better. If we don’t interrupt the cycle, the dog never gets a chance to return to a calm, stable baseline, and instead lives in a state of chaos and arousal.

That’s where decompression comes in.

Decompression means giving your dog the time, space, and safety to relax and let go. It’s the opposite of flooding — it’s about removing pressure, giving your dog something to focus on (or something they just enjoy), creating calm routines, reducing stimulation, and letting your dog exist without expectations for a while.

Even after resting, some dogs still seem constantly “on edge.” They react to things that didn’t bother them yesterday. Small triggers create big reactions — and it feels like you’re walking on eggshells.

That’s not your dog being dramatic...that’s trigger stacking.

Trigger stacking happens when small stressors build up over time — like a full stress bucket. One or two things might be fine…but once your dog hits their limit, even something small can tip them into a full-blown blowout like a plastic bag blowing in the wind.

If your dog’s reactions feel unpredictable or like they come out of nowhere, this could be the missing piece.

If your dog is reactive, overstimulated, hyperactive, struggling with anxiety or constantly “on edge,” there’s a good chance they’re missing something essential. Somewhere along the lines, their needs aren’t being met in a way that helps them regulate.

I call this the Holy Trinity — the three pillars that support emotional stability and calm behaviour:

Once your dog has reset and decompressed, and their basic needs are being consistently met on a daily basis, then socialisation (and other training) becomes possible.

When it comes to how to socialize a reactive dog people focus on getting their dog to interact — this is where most people go wrong — the real goal is to help your dog feel neutral.

So many owners believe their dog must love everyone and everything, in whatever situation they are placed in BUT one thing I did learn the long way was you don't need a social dog, a dog that loves everyone and everything.

What you need is neutrality! Neutral around other dogs. Neutral around people. Neutral in new places.

If you're not sure how to even begin, my Socialisation Guide + Checklist walks you through it step by step. You’ll learn what socialisation really is (and what it isn’t), how to avoid the common traps, and how to track your dog’s progress without pushing them too far, too fast.

Remember there’s no rush...

When you’re working with a reactive dog, progress can feel invisible. You might not notice that they recovered from a trigger faster…or that they paused before barking…chose to look at you instead of lunging at that person…or that they actually slept soundly for once.

These little wins? They’re huge. The issue is, we are constantly looking for the bad, that we can't see the wins. If you look for the bad moments, all you’ll see are the bad moments…but if you look out for the wins (even if they’re easy to miss), you will start to see more and more!

That’s one of the reasons why I created my Notion Digital Dog Training Journal — a digital space designed specifically for owners of reactive, anxious, and sensitive dogs.

It helps you track what really matters:

You’ll start spotting patterns you didn’t even realise were there — and with the help of reflections, you’ll finally feel like you're moving forward, even when things are tough.

Living with a reactive dog isn’t just about training — it can an emotional roller coaster. It can mean adjusting your walks, avoiding certain places, constantly being “on,” switching up your entire routine and feeling like nobody really understands.

It’s hard. It’s isolating, and it can weigh heavy on your mental health without the right support.

It is doable though, with the right support, small wins stack up. You learn how to read your dog, understand and manage their triggers, and build a life that actually works — even if it looks different from everyone else’s.

Everything we’ve talked about — decompression, regulation, outlets, socialisation, emotional reset — it all works best when it’s part of a clear, step-by-step plan.

That’s exactly what the Reactivity Starter Bundle gives you. And the best part? It’s completely free.

This bundle brings together all my core resources — the ones I wish I had when I was struggling with Jasper, including my 5 day detox protocol, and lays them out in a way that’s simple, supportive, and actually doable.

Learning how to deal with a reactive dog can take over everything — your walks, your confidence, even how you feel about your dog…but with the right support and a solid plan that actually meets your dog’s needs, change is possible.

This post wasn’t about fixing your dog overnight. It was about understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface — and giving you the tools to support them in a way that builds trust, not tension.

If things feel overwhelming right now, pause, breathe, reset. You don’t have to do it all at once. One of my biggest taskeaways wh learning how to deal with a reactive dog is that progress with comes from regulation, compromise, and showing up consistently — not rushing the process for your own sake.